Met div for brunch today, and we were talking about social dynamics of people, especially in NUS. Ever since I entered university, the term acquaintances started to apply to more people around me. For me in the past, there were only friends and strangers. Friendships were a lot more simpler then, you were either friends, or enemies, or strangers. The awkward moments were far and few. Til now, the concept of acquaintances still puzzles me. Not the definition of the acquaintances but the size of the role acquaintances play in my life. Should I let it increase? Or decrease. I still don’t know.
Or maybe it’s because the one that changed is me. That becoming friendlier created more acquaintances and less friends. After 21.7 (3sf) years you’d think I’ll be able to understand friendship a little better. I guess not.
I remember when I was younger, I was always puzzling over why some of my friendships didn’t work out, why some friends, no matter how hard I tried, didn’t reciprocate my friendship. This continued all the way until university until I was sick and fed up of people not responding. I guess I didn’t realise then some people just didn’t want to be friends with you. No matter what you do, how you did it, they just didn’t care. I learnt the hard way, and up til today, I still have this innate fear. I highly doubt it will fade away.
Relationships are so fragile. They are forever changing. Your close friend today might become an acquaintance the next year. I think one-sided friendships are the hardest to bear. It’s like a one-sided relationship but it hurts a lot more. Because you expect the gesture of friendship to be reciprocated but it never comes.
One day I’ll find you. Tiｌl then.