25. Homesick?

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I’ve been struck by a sudden bout of homesickness. Or maybe it’s just depression in general. All I know is that I want to curl up in one corner and either drink myself drunk or well, do nothing and wait for it to pass. It doesn’t help that it’s raining today and that I have no classes to occupy myself with.

You’d think that I’ve travelled enough to be used to this kind of thing, but I think this case is more of a double whammy. Once in a while the blues will hit you, except that I’m usually back at home in Singapore when it happens so it’s not that bad. Now I’m in a foreign country with few friends and even fewer comforts. Okay at least I have purin here.

I remember that the last time I felt homesick was when I was in Kyoto for exchange. It was worse back then I think, back when my hormones where probably severely inbalanced. It hit me hard and fast and before I knew it I was just overwhelmed with a thousand different emotions. It went away as quickly as it came, so I’m hoping the same thing will happen this time.

That aside, I’m proud to say that I’m not regretting the fact that I came to Waseda to study Japanese. I’m finally studying what I want to study. Many people might think that it’s a waste of time and money, but I think that I’m finally taking a small step in the direction of what I want my life to be like in the future.

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23. Hell week

Week 12 in NUS is usually called Hell Week because it’s during this week where all your modules have assignment or essay deadlines, presentations, examinations and other CA components which consist of a large percentage of your final grade. In my case, I also had Dance Uncensored 2013 tech runs, full dress rehearsals and the actual show during this week as well. Which wasn’t that unmanageable considering that I’m taking only 3 modules this semester (though the workload is about the same as 5. Never ever take 2 Japanese modules in the same semester if you want to survive, especially not with Japanese 6 under Chiba Sensei as one of them).

So everything was fine and dandy until my unfortunate accident on stage during Wednesday’s performance. It was halfway through the performance after the first song and during the blackout, when my mouth collided into someone else’s head with enough force to cut my upper lip quite badly. Tiny bit of flesh was hanging out and was bleeding into my own mouth for a while. >_< Thankfully after my item I had a nursing friend help me nurse the wound (they didn't even have a first aid kid on hand backstage wtf), so it's healing nicely right now. I just hope it won't scar that badly. /:

Obviously I panicked, because I had my Japanese oral AND a presentation on Thursday before the last DU show, and I wasn't sure at that point in time whether I could speak properly or not. I couldn't really enunciate properly because I couldn't close my lips together as that meant the wound would come into contact with my lower lips. And I have to be honest, but I was thinking of using my wound as an excuse to not do oral because I was quite nervous about it.

In the end, I'm happy to say that I did both my oral and my presentation. My enunciation was a bit strange, but I'm glad that I didn't run away from my responsibilites. Oral turned out to be quite fun, Chiba sensei even said that we were 一番楽しそうなグループ (the group which looked like we were enjoying ourselves the most). My oral group members were really nice! We practiced quite a bit before and decided to help each other out for the discussion and debate. As for the presentation, we had distingushed guests from Kikkoman, CLAIR Singapore and Mitsubishi Shoji so I was nervous and embarrased for presenting in front of them when I wasn't in my top form, but I am glad that I made the last minute decision to do so. Am really grateful for all my group members who were willing to cover for me too, just in case.

After both, I went back to perform for DU. It really was my last chance in NUS to dance and I couldn't just let it go. Most of the people I knew already came to watch me on Wednesday, but for me the reason is simple, I have always danced because I wanted to dance, not because I want others to watch me dance. Getting people to watch me is just a bonus. To me, there is no meaning if you dance for other people but you don't feel anything for dance itself. If that's the case, it will turn into a meaningless form of entertainment. This doesn't mean that I'm not grateful to those who have supported my all these years for my dance performances; I truly am. But it is because I dance to express myself, I dance because I like moving to the music, I dance because I love to dance, that I am proud that my family and friends can come to watch me do something I love. And that is when I dance for them as well.

But dance never needs to be complicated. People should stop thinking too much, and just dance.

And so hell week is over. It wasn't that bad this time. One more final week to go, before it really is goodbye.