19. Swedish House Mafia One Last Tour in Singapore

It was so amazing.

To be honest, it was way beyond my expectations. Having seen videos of SHM performing in Europe, I wondered if the energy level in Singapore could ever match up with that of Europe. And because it was held in the Singapore Indoor Stadium, we had designated seats. However when SHM came on at 9:15, almost everybody stood up and jostled to the front railings. It just wasn’t possible to sit through the concert. The tracklist was amazing, and the crowd was awesome. I danced and bounced and jumped and screamed and sang and just absorbed everything throughout the whole 2 hours.

I think the best part of the night was when Don’t You Worry Child, where everyone started singing and I was just so touched. Obviously I was happily singing along as well, but it was was really a feeling of 感動 (kandou). You really had to be present to understand the magic of it all. That one point in time where everybody was united. Feeling the music course through your veins.

Okay I think I’m starting to sound a bit overdramatic. I’ll let this fancam (not taken by me) speak for itself.

17 January 2013. A night to remember. I hope house music continues to flourish ♥

We came. We raved. We loved. #onelasttour

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12. Life

If possible, all I want to do in life is curl up with a good book, drink good whiskey, listen to house and eat cake.

Since forever isn’t plausible, just now will do.
That aside, 偉そうな人が一番大嫌い。

11. Long hair

So, what is not true about people who have long hair. Or really long hair. Or hair that’s as long as mine. Or maybe it’s just me.

1. Long hair does not get stuck in doors or passageways.

2. I do not eat my hair. In fact, the chances of other people eating my hair is a lot higher. Just yesterday Gwen ate my hair again. For the umpteenth time.

3. Hair doesn’t cover my face and smothers me when  I sleep.

4. When I sit down and lean against the chair, my hair doesn’t get stuck against it. I.e., I can still move my head freely without problems.

What is true about long hair.

1. It takes too long to dry on its own. My hair takes an average of 2 hours to dry completely.

2. It’s a good neck warmer. Which isn’t very good if you’re in Singapore.

And that’s all I can think of for now. Oh and one stupid question I get a lot is “Why is your hair so long?” Uh… it’s because I didn’t cut it short? If you want to ask why I chose to have long hair, then perhaps you’d want to phrase your question correctly.

10. The Beginning

Just give me a reason
to keep my heart beating
Don’t worry it’s safe right here in my arms
くだけて泣いて咲いて散ったこの思いは
so blinded I can’t see the end

Look how far we’ve made it
The pain I can’t escape it
このままじゃまだ終わらせる事は出来ないでしょ
何度くたばりそうでも朽ち果てようとも
終わりはないさ
so where do I begin.

「The Beginning」 – ONE OK ROCK

I need my jaded self back. I can’t believe I had wanted not to be jaded anymore.  This just serves as a distraction. Which I definitely cannot afford right now. I need another distraction to this distraction. Or a solution to the problem. Or something, Anything. A new beginning.

08. Strangers, acquaintances, friends.

Met div for brunch today, and we were talking about social dynamics of people, especially in NUS. Ever since I entered university, the term acquaintances started to apply to more people around me. For me in the past, there were only friends and strangers. Friendships were a lot more simpler then, you were either friends, or enemies, or strangers. The awkward moments were far and few. Til now, the concept of acquaintances still puzzles me. Not the definition of the acquaintances but the size of the role acquaintances play in my life. Should I let it increase? Or decrease. I still don’t know.

Or maybe it’s because the one that changed is me. That becoming friendlier created more acquaintances and less friends. After 21.7 (3sf) years you’d think I’ll be able to understand friendship a little better. I guess not.

I remember when I was younger, I was always puzzling over why some of my friendships didn’t work out, why some friends, no matter how hard I tried, didn’t reciprocate my friendship. This continued all the way until university until I was sick and fed up of people not responding. I guess I didn’t realise then some people just didn’t want to be friends with you. No matter what you do, how you did it, they just didn’t care. I learnt the hard way, and up til today, I still have this innate fear. I highly doubt it will fade away.

Relationships are so fragile. They are forever changing. Your close friend today might become an acquaintance the next year. I think one-sided friendships are the hardest to bear. It’s like a one-sided relationship but it hurts a lot more. Because you expect the gesture of friendship to be reciprocated but it never comes.

One day I’ll find you. Till then.

07. Things I want to do

Ever since I came back from Japan, I’ve had a lot of time to think about things. Mainly what I was doing right now, and what was it that I really wanted to do.

How many of us are actually doing what we really want to do? And not stuck somewhere learning something we don’t want to learn or in a job we dread to head for in the morning? We say that there’ll always be time in the future to do it, but in the end it either sits quietly at the back of our mind, gathering dust or it eats away at us all the time, bugging us to do something about it.

I want to learn house. And breaking. And improve my Japanese proficiency. And meet up more frequently with old friends. Find someone I can talk to about anything in the world. Go to Japan again. And again. Spend more time with my family. Try all the cider and beer in the world. Pick up another language. Be proficient in it. Be happy. Be nicer to people. Drink more. Dance more. Did I mention that I really want to learn house?

The list gets even longer and more impractical.

But things start small. If I never take that first step, I will forever be letting all these wants waste away. And I’m feeling so restless now. That nagging need to do something, anything. Might as well be something that I really want to do.

03. A short story

Heavy japanese hip hop music blasts through her earphones, drowning out the heavy downpour outside. Nursing a beer can in hand, she contemplates today’s turn of events.

Being to a place where she didn’t really want to go ever again.

Reaching a place where she felt so alone, despite the crowds that come and go, the conversations had and forgotten.

Desperately trying to find something that will change it all.

The music just isn’t loud enough. Turning the volume up, she shrinks back further into the safe shelter she’s built for herself.

逃げちゃだめ!わかるけど。。。 いつも同じだ。

Draining the can, the bitterness of the dregs resonates within her deeply, reminding her that whatever she is isn’t trying to do isn’t working.

But she’s just so, so tired.

02. of work and desserts

It’s been a while. Lately I’ve been working a lot at the airport, アルバイトする. The pay’s decent for a part-time job, even though it can’t be compared to that of Japan’s, but it really saps my energy. 8 hours of standing and serving customers in heels is no joke. The only thrill I get from working is when I get to speak to Japanese customers in Japanese. While some are a little unfriendly, most of them are rather nice. Some even thought that I was Japanese, and a kind lady encouraged me on my Japanese language studies. I’m still striving to be fluent in Japanese one day. The only problem I face is my tendency to not use keigo (敬語) when speaking to customers, mostly because I’m not used to speaking in keigo. At least I’ve succeeded in eliminating tamego (タメ語) when speaking, because it’s so casual it might seem impolite to the Japanese customers. When I was working here last year I never noticed that there were so many Japanese customers. Now there would be at least a few each day. Time to work on my Japanese!

Speaking of which, I’ve also signed up for jlpt n3 level. Technically my classes have only taught me til n4 level, so I’ll need to do a lot of self-study in order to pass. It’s a good thing I’m going to be stopping my part-time job after this month. When I’m working I get so exhausted even on my off-days I rarely have the motivation as energy to drag myself to the library or Starbucks to study.

On a dance-related note, I have finally managed to master the first verse and chorus of Miss A’s Goodbye Baby v(^_^v)♪ Will get around to videotaping it one day. Haven’t been dancing much because of work and because I don’t go to school much, of at all. Bah. I really want to learn exo-k’s history’s dance too. There’s so awesomely talented for a rookie group. *__*

I’ve also been trying to listen to more jpop songs as an attempt to learn more Japanese vocabulary. Latest songs on my playlist are from Hatsune Miku, AKB48, and m-flo~ Am going to slowly explore more artists as I go along. I lost most of my anime opening and ending songs when my hard disk drive crashed on me. Still miss the nostalgic feeling I get whenever I listen to a PoT or FMA song. You got game~ どんなスピードの中も時間は変わらないリズム刻んで〜♪ Gosh my fangirling days seem ages ago.

Going to end off with a photo of Marriott’s dessert bar at their international buffet dinner! Went there for my brother’s birthday dinner. The spread was decent, although the seafood not that fantastic. But I liked the roasted section where they had roast beef, pork and lamb, as well as their pastries. Other than that, i’ll give it a 6.5/10. I’ve had had better buffets then this one.

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01. there’s an end to everything

I’ll be leaving Kyoto soon to go back to Singapore. I don’t really want to leave, but I miss Singapore as well. This SEP has been an amazing experience for me.My Japanese has improved tremendously, but I’m still probably at survival Japanese. Am going to continue learning it when I get back, and try very hard so that I don’t forget it! I’ve even learnt a little Kansai ben as well.

And just 10 days before I am going to leave my dormitory I discover that the glass windows just downstairs were perfect for practicing dance. What a wasted opportunity, but am planning to go every night to practice a little. Just started learning Miss A’s Goodbye baby dance today! Probably because I’ve just finished watching Dream High and I’m falling a little more for Suzy. She became my favourite Miss A member when I first saw her in Good girl, bad girl. She’s just so pretty and tall at such a young age! And her character Hye Mi was really adorable as well. Hopefully I’ll finish learning the dance (and SNSD’s The Boys) before I leave so I can finally record myself doing it! Been wanting to do that since forever but I’ve never gotten around to it.

I feel myself slowly being sucked into the world of kpop again. Am thinking of taking both Korean and Japanese language classes when I get back, but I’m not sure if that’s going to be too much to handle. It’ll probably be 14 hours of language classes a week! I guess I’ll look at the other modules I’ll be taking first.